Happy Easter!

Today was Easter Sunday :) This morning I went to Tricia's for breakfast, then back to mom's for lunch, then to my dad's for dinner. My stomach is getting bigger and bigger every morning. The other morning I woke up with this horrible lower ribcage and stomach pain... it felt like my ribs were broken :( I called Brandon crying and it eventually went away. Evidently my uterus was pushing up so much so fast that it pushed every thing else in my abdomen up. I hope that doesn't happen again. It hurt so bad!

My birthday is Wednesday! I don't know what I am doing actually. I don't feel like it is my birthday. lol... it's not really a big deal anymore i guess compared to everything else happening lately.

Tuesday I have a doctors appointment with my new OB/GYN. I am excited and hoping they will do an ultrasound. I will be almost 13 weeks by then. It would be nice to be able to send Brandon a picture of our baby. I miss him so much it hurts to think about it.

I will try and write on here more often. I just have been busy with hanging out with my mom and niece and nephew. They definitely keep me on my toes :) But they are amazing in every way and make me think about how amazing it will be to have my own child.

Doctors Appointments

I finally figured out who my PCM (Primary Care Manager) is! Very happy about that. I thought for some reason that I wouldn't have health coverage until the first of next month. I guess the military is good at some things :)

I am waiting to hear back from an Endocrinologist office later today. I have a hypothyroid (underactive thyroid gland) so it needs to be monitored regularly especially now that I am pregnant. And I found an OB/GYN clinic close to my mom's house that also accepts Tricare Prime. I have an appointment with them this Wednesday, March 24th, at 11:30 am, and another appointment April 12th at 1:00 pm for a 13 week ultrasound.

Brandon and I are thankfully able to speak on a daily basis. Every night we see each other on SKYPE. I connect the headphones to my computer and lay them on my tummy so he can talk to the baby. I swear every time he speaks to our little jelly bean I can feel it wiggle around like crazy <3 I don't know what I would do without Brandon. Even far away, he is my rock. I never thought I could love someone so unconditionally. If I ever get depressed or down about something, I just think about the day we pick him up from the airport and I'm standing there holding our little baby. It will be the most emotional and intense day of our lives. I can not wait.

My nausea comes and goes lately. Some days are better than others. Mornings are the worst... I eat the most in the evenings. Saturday my dad, Mary and I went golfing. It was such a beautiful day (though a little chilly at times) and I had a blast. Later in the evening a good friend of ours, Joseph, picked me up and took me out to Northside for a Funk concert. That was also fun :) I ended up sitting next to this woman who happened to be in the Marines. She was about 40 and was a complete nut lol. She wanted to touch my tummy. I laughed and said OK. She just held her hand there, wide eyed, and stared. Then she looked up at me and said "I'm sorry I'm petting your tummy, but I have a dog." Hahaha... it was one of the funniest things anyone has ever said to me. Then around 11:30 pm, some obnoxious friend of theirs came over and spilled beer on me. It was about time to go home after that.

Akron, Ohio

Well I finally made it to Akron. This post will be short because I am tired. I've just been relaxing, visiting family and playing with my niece and nephew. Brandon and I went for our first sonogram before I left. It was very... odd lol. They stuck a probe up... ahem... which was very uncomfortable... then I looked over to my right and saw the most beautiful thing in my life. Our little jelly bean. It's heart beat was strong and the nurse calculated his/her age. We figured I was about 10 weeks on the 12th... I was actually 9 weeks, 1 day. So the new due date is November 14th. His/her heart rate was 171 (which is perfect). They weighed me and I actually lost almost 20 lbs since we first found out we were pregnant. That is how sick I was and how little I ate. I pretty much lived off of McDonalds french fries and smoothies.

I will try and write on here more often... above is a picture of our little 'Jelly Bean'...

Akron, Here I Come!

We finally bought my ticket to come up to Akron! I will/or should I say, SHOULD be landing at about 3:30pm Saturday the 13th. I say should because it is the rainy season here in Florida and Ohio. Last night down here we had the weirdest thunderstorm. It lasted from about 11pm til early in the morning, but no rain. I felt like I was in the new version of War Of The Worlds.

Right now, not much is going on. We are mostly packing like crazy! I'm trying to get rid of a bunch of things we have that we really don't need. I LOVE thinning out things! lol. We will begin moving boxes into storage today, and tomorrow. Today is little things and boxes. Tomorrow is larger things like the washer and dryer, and couches.

I have not been having dreams about the baby lately. Well... there is not a baby in the dreams but I'm sure it's still about the baby. Last night I drempt someone gave me a little dog to have and on the way out of their house I almost dropped the thing. I'm terrified of dropping my baby. Because I know it happens. If you look up 'I dropped my baby' in google, it's ridiculous how many moms have done this. No matter how careful you are, accidents happen. I just pray to God that I don't. I unfortunately am not known for my coordination.

I probably wont be able to write on here until after I get to Akron. Our first sonogram is Friday so I will try and post pictures as soon as I can. -Peace!

Dreams

I have been having the most terrifying and vivid dreams lately... So I decided to keep a log of them so after the pregnancy I can look back and decipher them.

Three nights ago, Friday...
-I somehow got caught up in the mafia. All I remember is there was a wife of one of the mobsters didn't like me. So she hired a doctor to abort my baby. I went in to have a sonogram done and I looked down to see what he was doing... All I felt was a kind of tearing inside of me and I saw him pull this long plastic thing out. I instantly knew what had happened. I didn't even have time to grieve or cry... I had it in my mind that I was going to find this bitch and kill her. I didn't even care if I ended up dying.
-I don't remember, unfortunately, if I did actually get to kill her. The last part of the dream was even worse than the beginning though. The mobster, whos wife I wanted to kill, found out who I was and tricked me into going to this hallway with a few other people. Once at the end of the hallway the door we were supposed to go through was locked. I immediately knew what was about to go down. Bullets let loose behind us and whizzed past us. The guy right beside me was shot three or four times. I could feel people around me dropping to the ground in agony. I knew it was only a matter of time until my human shields were heaped on the floor around me. I crouched to the ground against the locked door with my hands over my head. Then it happened. A loud crack right next to my ear, then all I could hear was blood pouring out of my head like a small stream. Then I woke up. Terrible right?!

Two nights ago, Saturday, I had a very long dream with many symbols.
-The begining of the dream, I was with two friends, Michelle Winkopp and Jolene Leaver. We were driving around trying to find another friends house (Michelle Ghahary) who just moved. Well, in order to get to her house, we had to go up this really really steep road, almost as steep as a wall! Then when we left, we had to go back down the same road and I was so scared the breaks were going to go out.
-The next part of the dream all of our closest friends down here, Brandon and I headed up to Akron, Ohio to see my family. I don't think we had to drive very far though. When we got to where my family was supposed to be, all the houses looked different and I didn't know which one was the right one. [The entire part of this dream we were all wading through crystal clear waist deep water.] I ended up having to go up to houses and peek through the windows to see if I could find my family. I finally saw my grandpa (we all call him Opa) and he smiled and motioned for me to come in. I was so happy to see him! I didn't expect to see him because he has been so ill lately. So, now that I found my family I motioned to all of our fiends behind us to come to the house. I turned back around to see my family opening a sliding glass door and start filing into the surrounding water. They looked very upset. All my dad and Opa kept saying was how disappointed they were in me. I began to cry and looked back at my friends for support but they were leaving!!! Even Brandon! So I told everybody to go fuck themselves (friends and family included) and walked away to cry by myself and hold my huge tummy.

Last night, Sunday...
-I think deep in my dreams I have a fear of becoming one of those mothers who has the baby and then drops them on family to raise. Then realizing my mistake I try to make it up to the baby by breast feeding and (s)he wont take. I feel horrible. What kind of person just abandons their own flesh and blood, literally.
-Last night I had a dream that I went to my sister Tina and brother David's grandmother (Butch)'s house on their dad's side. (Sorry if that is confusing. We have different dads.) Anyways, I went there and realized that Butch was taking care of this little baby boy. I immediately knew it was my baby. I started to cry when I realized what I had done. He had been there for the past three days. I quickly gathered him and all of his things and went to my moms.
-A couple days later I returned to my moms to find out I DID IT AGAIN! I asked my mom what she had been feeding him since I wasn't there to breast feed. She said she gave him a little bit of macaroni and cheese and water. I then cried and asked if she thought he would breast feed if I tried. She shook her head and looked down. "I don't think so Dawn." I cried even harder. "NO!" I said. "This can not be happening! I want to be a good mother. Why can I not get my shit together?!" I scooped up my little boy and rushed upstairs to see if he would feed. I woke up before I ever found out.
-I immediately feel asleep and into the same dream but this time my mom and I were heading to a friends house. Once we got there I started unpacking all the baby things from the car. Then I realized we forgot the baby at home! The worst part is, we drove about an hour to get to our friends. That means, even if we left right now, my baby would have been left alone for two hours! I REALLY started to lose it. I was in hysterics. But I was also rash enough to think, 'If I call the police and ask them to break into the house, then they won't give him back to me.' I mean, would you?

I actually think this last dream is about how I am scared of turning into my sister. She has two children right now that my mom takes care of and has custody of.

Getting Antsy... ^_^

I was able to move up the date of our first sonogram. This way Brandon can at least be a part of something and not feel so left out. Plus he will have a picture to carry with him :)

My dad should be driving down here sometime next week. He will be helping us move our stuff into storage, but most importantly, spending quality time with Brandon before he leaves. (And I'm sure getting in some golf time while in sunny Florida!) I am doing my best, trying to get the house packed and cleaned, but I am so nauseous lately I can't get much done. I hate feeling so helpless and useless. Poor Brandon, I haven't made dinner for him in weeks. Every little smell sets me off, or even thinking about a smell. Some days are better than others. I was able to get a prescription for Zofran, but I try not to take it unless I absolutely need it. This morning, though, I must have waited too long to take it because I vomited the half cup of Gatorade I drank as soon as I woke up. I think I also might have pulled a muscle in my upper back in the process :(

I have been having a dream almost every night about the baby. The first couple of dreams I had the baby was born premature, so I concentrated on trying to nurse it so it would finish developing.
The next dream, I gave birth to a little piglet. The humane society came and took it away before I could get it to nurse... I eventually ran into my stepmom and she handed me my piglet baby. Unfortunately, the bond between the baby and me was broken and it wouldn't nurse. I was forced to give it back to the humane society heart broken.
The last dream I had, my family was sitting around a table eating Thanksgiving dinner. I walked around the table to the seat next to my father and proceeded to sit down. Some thing on his lap caught my eye. A little baby girl. She was laughing and reaching her little pudgy fingers towards me. I just looked down at her in awe. I now know what mothers mean when they say they are bonded with their babies even before they are born. This little flower bud has my heart already.
I don't care how sick I get or miserable I am... I just pray you come out healthy. Mommy loves you very much! I can't wait to meet you...

This song is for you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR_0MHAuEh8

The Big Move......

I received some of the worst news a mommy-to-be could receive a couple days ago... Brandon will be gone for 9 months for "work"... He will miss the birth of our first born child. I was distraught at first. I cried and vomited (from morning sickness) and cried some more. How can I do this on my own? How can I do this, one of the most important tasks of my entire womanhood, with only half of my mind, body and soul? As unfair as I still believe it is, I am slowly accepting and changing my outlook on the task that lay before me without the help (but not support!) of my husband.

Out of all this grief, there are actually two great outcomes ahead... first and foremost, I am going to be a mommy!!! and second, by the time the baby is born, we will be able to pay off all (or at least most) of our debt. How? Well, instead of staying down here by myself, I am moving to Akron, Ohio to live with family until after the baby is born. By doing this, we will save over $900/mth that we would have spent on rent and utilities... All of our things in the townhouse will be put into storage and kept there until Brandon, baby and I come back. While in Akron, I will be searching for houses in FL to move into when we come back.

This is all worked out perfectly in my mind... unfortunately, it never works out that way in the end lol. Oh well... one can only try.

I haven't written on here in a while because I have had a VERY rough time with morning sickness... Plus, I had a bad head cold on top of that. So a combination of being unable to eat and mucus drainage, I vomited at least once a day. Thankfully, the cold went away, and I found a system to keeping my morning sickness down for the most part. The whole trick is to not let my stomach be empty as much as possible and stay hydrated. I am NOT saying that I eat a large amount of food all day... no, even when you are pregnant, you do not eat for two... By following this system, I still only eat half of what I normally ate before prego. As soon as I wake up, even before sitting up in bed, I eat something... ex: this morning I ate half a pb&j sandwich and a couple sips of water. Then about every hour to every hour and a half, I eat again. If my stomach were to get empty, the rest of my day is pretty much ruined... it's incredibly hard to eat or drink anything when constantly on the verge of vomiting (mom's, you know what I mean). This system is definitely not fool proof, as I can really vomit at any time, but it mainly tricks my body to concentrate on digesting instead of upchucking :)

If I didn't have bad luck, I would have no luck at all...

Yesterday my stupid car (which hates me) decided it will over heat every 5 miles I drive. Brandon came home from work for lunch. The plan was I was going to the airport and pick up a coworker of his, drive them back on base and go grocery shopping. Well, 5 minutes to the airport my dashboard thermostat was in the red area. Brandon had to call someone else to pick her up and on their way back, to pick HIM up at our townhouse. No grocery shopping for me :(

Right now Brandon is at the car center on base trying to get my stupid car fixed. He tries so hard to make everything less stressful for me and easier. I love him so much :)

On a better note, tomorrow is Valentines Day! For my present, we are going to buy a dresser for me lol... currently my cloths are folded and stacked in the closet and laundry baskets.

Pregnant and moody... My poor husband :)

Well, today I am officially 6 weeks pregnant!

It all started about 4 weeks ago, I started feeling nausious, crampy and bloated. I figured the nausia was from the new medication I started on. We weren't really planning on having a baby yet but it seems God had other plans for our little family. Brandon is very excited. It's really cute actually lol.

My mom already went out and bought everything we need for the baby lol. I think she is more excited than anyone. Probably because this is her first grandbaby that she wont have to raise herself. The only things we really need are a crib, dresser, changing table and decorations.

Next week we have an appointment with the doctors to talk about what to expect, breast feeding, emergancies, blood tests... We wont have our first sonogram till next month on the 17th. Can't wait!